Letting Go…

How do you let go as a mother?  When he slides down the sliding board by himself gleefully laughing at the slippery feeling of going somewhere on his own. When he splashes in the puddle, throwing himself off balance to suddenly end up on his bum with a look of bewilderment and utter shock.  When he gets up and does it again on purpose.

How do you let go?  When he teeters back and forth and finally goes sideways to the ground as he takes his first bike ride without training wheels.  When the blood gushes down from the kneecap to the sock below and you know that you don’t have a large enough Band-Aid to cover the gash.  When the dirty hand wipes away the tears he doesn’t want you to see, because he only wants to know, “Mom did you see me?”

How do you let go?  When the book bag is full and the bus-driver opens the door to greet the eager boy on the way to his first day of school.  When he gulps down the after school snacks, straps on his cowboy belt and bolts out the door.

How do you let go? When he runs into the waves on his own, bracing against the cold water as it devours him and tosses him about in the current.  When he regains his footing to try to outrun another incoming wave.

How do you let go?  When you sit with him in the emergency room following that major play on the field that left him injured, sidelined, and disheartened.  When you need to leave him alone in the hospital room, and he assures you, “Mom I’m going to be fine.”

How do you let go? When he drives down the driveway on his own for the very first time. When the curfew passes, the phone doesn’t ring and worry wraps around you with a choking hold.

How do you let go? When you pack up for the university departure checking off a detailed list as your head throbs from the anxiety arcing through your mind, and your throat aches from the sobs sticking in your throat.

How do you let go?  When he takes his girlfriend’s hand instead of yours.  When she breaks his heart and crushes his soul. When the look in his eyes and the dejection in his voice strike you with unbearable pain.

How do you let go? When he faces failure and it’s devastating, demoralizing, incomprehensible and unexpected.  When he rebounds with resiliency and inspires with passion and strength so that your pride in his perseverance knows no bounds.

How do you let go?  When maturity sometimes falters and mistakes occur.  When consequences overtake him and you cannot save him despite your readiness to step in.  When you wait for the realization of responsibility, for the insight of integrity, for the clarity of wisdom with experience to unveil its guidance and assurance.  When all you can provide is a listening ear, comfort without judgement, and unconditional love.

How do you let go?  When the bedroom empties of belongings, and the apartment fills with accumulated stuff.  When the new job promises possibilities, and the horizon suddenly expands with potential opportunities.

How do you let go?  When newfound love immerses his heart in an endless over-the-waterfall feeling, and you sense the rising joy, the uplifting spirit, the crescendo of hope.  When the fiancé becomes the treasured partner you prayed he would always find.

How do you let go? You turn your palms upwards in a giving gesture, acknowledging their emptiness, guiding them gently toward your heart.  You silently offer a prayer as you Let Go…

Then you place your trust, your hope, and your belief in a faith that has covered generations to generations.  Letting go, you know that God clasps him gently yet firmly in a grasp that will never, ever let go.

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